The Gentrification of the Corridor

THE GENTRIFICATION OF THE CORRIDOR

December, 2003. University City Village lay in ruins. Dogs, many of them Borzois, wandered unleashed, bumping pedestrians off the sidewalks. Feral roosters and ferrets hunted in packs. Hair braiding salons and stop-and-go delis dotted Baltimore Avenue, and bands of pre-adolescent Negro teenagers hung on the street corners, hefting their AK-47s and brazenly dealing smack.

---------------------------------------------

In 200 College Hall, President Cherry Ramsbottom was about to preside over her Tuesday morning debriefing. At 59, Ramsbottom, the first female Ivy League president, was also the highest paid and most curvaceous; her $800,000 annual salary and benefits package made her the third best compensated university president in the nation. She was also one of the most compassionate -- rumor had it she gave most of her salary to charity, reserving only enough for her personal luxuries such as lipsticks, nail polish, and occasional trips to Singapore for face lifts and breast augmentation.

Peter Proven, her personal assistant, boy toy, sex slave and graduate student in English, was laying out a sumptuous buffet of croissants, bagels, and Danishes with an exotic assortment of cream cheeses and Amish jams. Handsome and distinguished Stetson Graykirk, University Counsel, was pensively sipping a molto grande cappucino allegrosso as he stared out at the dozen statues of Benjamin Franklin in various poses that dotted College Green. Vice President for Real Estate, Acquisitions and Mergers Guido Minelli was already seated at the long teak conference table, shuffling through his papers. Down two places across the table sat Eric von Hohenstaufen, Obergruppenfuhrer of the University Police and executive director of the University City Village District.

Cherry Ramsbottom emerged from her private office and Proven, buff, tanned and 20-something, rushed to pull out her chair for her. "Down, Peter, down -- oh, behave!" she greeted him cheerily. "Right, let's get started," she said as Graykirk took his place at the table.