More Loony Right Wing Commentators Arrested

Oct 18 2003 by Ross Bender

Pat Robertson, televangelist and right wing Christian crackpot, was taken into custody today by the FBI for threatening to blow up the State Department with a nuclear bomb. Robertson, head of the Christian Broadcasting Network, made his comments on a loony right wing Christian television program called the "700 Club." "If I could just get a nuclear device inside Foggy Bottom, I think that's the answer...We've got to blow this thing up," Robertson said. Foggy Bottom is the Washington DC neighborhood where the State Department is located.

FBI agents handcuffed Robertson and put him on a plane for Camp X-Ray in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, where he joins loony right wing columnist Robert Novak, who is currently being investigated by the CIA for having disclosed the identity of a CIA asset in a July 14 newspaper column. Robertson had apparently advocated bombing the State Department as early as June.

Robertson also gained notoriety this summer for conducting a prayer vigil asking the God of Abraham, Isaac and Reagan to kill off several Supreme Court justices so that President Bush could replace them with judges more to the Christian right's liking.

At Camp X-Ray, where about 650 prisoners from all over the Arab world and France are being held under conditions of strictest security, two more translators were recently arrested in a suspected espionage ring. Novak and Robertson are being held in solitary confinement in 6' by 8' "chicken cages" with only a Koran and old copies of Playboy for entertainment. Prisoners at "Gitmo" are not allowed to have television sets in their cells.

CIA interrogators are reportedly interested in discovering whether Novak or Robertson have any ties to Skull and Bones, the elite Yale secret society of which both the current President Bush, his poppy, and his grandpoppy, the late Senator Prescott Bush, are members. Senator Bush is suspected of having stolen the skull of Native American leader Geronimo as an initiation prank.

The arrest of Rush Limbaugh, loony right wing commentator, on drug charges, is expected imminently, and it is anticipated he will join Novak and Robertson at Gitmo.

Ross Bender's Deadbrains

Ross Bender, Crazy Mennonite