Alito "Can't Recall" Attending Princeton; "Sorta Remembers" Strip Searches Of 10-Year-Old Girls

Jan 10 2006 by Ross Bender

Judge Samuel "Sammie the Fish" Alito, a 1972 graduate of Princeton University and President Bush's latest nominee for the vacant seat on the Supreme Court, stated yesterday that he "can't recall" having attended Princeton.

The Daily Princetonian, a student newspaper at the university, reported in December that Alito had joined an ultra-right-wing fascist eating club known as the "Concerned Alumni of Princeton," which aimed at preventing coeducation, Negroes, abortion, atheists, marijuana, homosexuality, and informal dress on the rural New Jersey campus, located somewhere between New York and Philadelphia.

Although Alito denied any recollection of actually taking classes at Princeton, he said that he does have vivid memories of his days at Yale Law School, particularly "wild three-way sex" with Yale Law alums Bill and Hillary Clinton on homecoming weekends, at the Yale Bowl, and on boat race night.

Alito also "sort of" recalled presiding as part of a three-way panel in a 2003 case which involved the strip search of a 10-year-old girl. In the case, involving a search for illegal drugs, the police had a warrant to search a man who was the subject of an investigation. However, since the man was not at home when the police arrived, they opted instead for a strip search of a 10-year-old girl and her mother.

According to court papers, "They were instructed to empty their pockets, lift their shirts, drop their pants and turn around. No contraband was found."

In the Daily Princetonian account, fellow Italian-American Andrew Napolitano '72, a former Concerned Alumni of Princeton board member and friend of Alito's, said Alito's statement should end debate on the issue. "Da guy says he can't remember, OK? Capiche? Finito."

If Alito is confirmed, he would occupy the swing seat formerly held by Sandra Day O'Connor. Supreme Court Justice Antonin "The Wop" Scalia said he was looking forward to having more Dagos on the bench, "particularly a swinger like Sammie the Fish."

Justice Scalia was found to be the "wittiest" judge on the high court in a recent quantitative study of court transcripts.

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