God Sues "Da Vinci Code" Author for Plagiarism

Mar 20 2006 by Ross Bender

In a London courtroom last week God (aka Jehovah aka Yahweh) brought suit against bestselling novelist Dan Brown, claiming that his blockbuster novel The Da Vinci Code borrowed characters and significant plot items from The Bible, God`s perennial bestseller.

Lawyers for God listed several characters, notably Mary Magdalene and Jesus Christ, which the plaintiff said were original with Him. In surprise testimony, God also revealed several "alternative manuscripts," some of which are known as "Gnostic Gospels," in which the plot motif of a romance between Jesus and Mary Magdalene is clearly delineated.

Testifying in his own defense, Brown admitted that he had "reworked" certain passages from the Bible, but denied committing outright plagiarism.

Expert witness Joffrey Ramsbottom, an eminent grammarian and professor emeritus of neurolinguistics and glottopsychiatry at Hors D'Oeuvres State University in Louisana, testified on behalf of the defendant that Brown is "one of the worst prose stylists in the history of literature" and therefore could not be charged with plagiarizing the Bible, which in its King James translation is a model of classical English prose.

Ramsbottom went on to say that "The Da Vinci Code" is "perhaps the only novel ever written beginning with the word 'renowned'," and that Brown commits "style and word choice blunders in almost every paragraph." In fact, said Ramsbottom, "one may as well accuse Brown of plagiarizing 'The Hardy Boys,' so abominable is his prose style."

At that point, the distraught bestselling author begged his lawyers to take Ramsbottom off the witness stand, saying that perhaps it had been a mistake to call the eminent grammarian in his defense.

The trial is expected to conclude this week, barring any out of court settlement between God and Brown.

Ross Bender's Deadbrains