In National Security Move, GOP Pushes Ban on Horse Slaughter

Oct 6 2006 by Ross Bender

The Republican leadership recently launched a major legislative initiative to block the slaughter of horses. With only one month before midterm elections, the GOP is scrapping unimportant issues such as immigration reform and focusing on national security and fear.

President Bush, returning from a weekend of milking his horse "Duke" at his Crawford, Texas ranch, plans to give a major policy address this week to support the bill, sponsored by House Republicans John Sweeney of New York and Ed Whitfield of Kentucky.

"Americans know that if we slaughter all the horses, as the cut-and-run Democrats want us to, we just open ourselves to an invasion by those horse-riding Afghan terrorists. I seen a movie once with Omar Sharif showed them Talibans playing polo on horses with a dead goat. Pretty scary.

"Now America is safe now, but not safe enough. In other words it could be safer. I'm not gonna go down in the history books as the one who appeased Genghis Khan. In other words, I'm not going to be the Neville Chamberlain who bowed down in front of the Mongolo-fascists."

The bill has become a hot issue in Texas, a major exporter of horse-flesh, where a bipartisan coalition made up of Bo Derek, T. Boone Pickens, and Willie Nelson are supporting the bill.

Kinky Friedman, front-runner in the Texas gubernatorial race, also supports the ban, and is campaigning on the slogan "Save a horse, ride a cowboy."

Ross Bender's Deadbrains