Bush's Intelligence, Memory Lapses, Now Under Investigation

Feb 4 2004 by Ross Bender

President Bush announced today his decision to sign an executive order establishing a Truth and Sanity Commission to investigate his intelligence lapses in taking the country into war in Iraq last year.

"Ah plan to sign this consecative order soon's ah kin find mah pen," Bush stated. The President has been under mounting pressure from both Democrats and Republicans to find out why he apparently misled the country by declaring that Saddam Hussein had "nucular Tastykakes of Doom" and other weapons of mass destruction.

Last year, ignoring the advice of the United Nations and Old Europe, Bush donned a bulky flight suit and personally led a cavalry charge into the Iraqi desert, after watching a White House screening of "Lawrence of Arabia." Democratic and Republican Congresspersons who supported the President's pre-emptive strike against Iraq last March are now having second thoughts about the wisdom of the massive war unleashed by the Coalition of the Willing, which includes Bulgaria, Poland, Spain and the Maldive Islands. Senator Joe Lieberman stated "I supported the President 100% last year. But now it appears there are serious questions about the President's intelligence and I think we ought to have a full-blown investigation."

Republicans on the Senate Intelligence Committee concurred. One Senator, who declined to be named for reasons of national security, told reporters: "We were told this President had an IQ of 192, plus which he went to Yale. Now it appears we may have been misled. If he is really as stupid as the left-wing media is claiming, we sure as hell want to dump him before he leads us into a disastrous election loss."

The Truth and Sanity Commission will be modeled on the Warren Commission, which found the CIA, the Mafia, Fidel Castro, Frank Sinatra, and the Southern Baptist Convention innocent of the assassination of JFK. It is expected that the Commission will also look into the matter of President Bush's memory lapses during alcoholic blackouts before he became a "born-again" and into his failure to report for duty to his National Guard unit for two years during the Vietnam War.

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