Bush Finally Flips, Satirizes Self on National TV

Apr 1 2004 by Ross Bender The White House today released television footage of President Bush crawling around his office, looking unsuccessfully for weapons of mass destruction.

In the home videos, a drunken and disheveled Bush pokes awkwardly behind furniture in the Oval Office, saying "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere...nope, no weapons over there...maybe under here?"

In other clips, the President is shown ridiculing Vice President Cheney, commenting that whenever he asks Cheney for advice, the Vice President grimaces, pulls down his zipper and says "Let's see what my little friend says."

In Oslo, Norway, Douglass Ramssmullett called the Executive Committee of the International Satirists Guild into an emergency session. Although the ISG has as yet made no official comment on the incident, sources say that the Guild is gravely concerned that thousands of satirists around the world will be thrown out of work if the Administration continues to do their job for them.

One anonymous source inside the ISG reports that "you could smoke a salmon off Ramssmullett's head right now, he's so upset." As for the other Executive Committee members, our source tells us, "It's a diacritic nightmare right now. The cedillas, ogoneks, and circumflexes are flying. And don't get me started about all the diaereses getting passed around. There hasn't been this much angst since the Nobel Prize nomination nightmare."

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