Cheney F-Bombs Leahy, Spills Guts on Fox News

Jun 27 2004 by Ross Bender

In an extraordinary burst of temper, Vice President "Dick" Cheney used the F-word to denounce Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont. The tantrum came at a photo-op on the Senate floor, when Leahy reportedly made a sly allusion to Cheney’s alleged homosexual relations with soon-to-be-indicted former Enron Chairman Kenneth "Leila" Lay.

Later, Cheney spilled his guts to Brit Hume on Fox News.

Hume: It's such a pleasure to have you on the show.

Cheney: Glad to be here. Look, just lick this spot off my left boot, will you?

Hume: Oh, right-ho, my liege. Now, may I call you "Dickie"?

Cheney: Are we live? I think "Mr. Vice-President" will suffice.

Hume: Now, what’s all this about your having a few words with Senator Leahy on the Senate floor? (Titters.)

Cheney: Well, I think we all know that I expressed myself forcefully.

Hume: Oh, yes indeed. Tell me, did you feel better afterward?

Cheney: Oh YES!

Hume: You’re a rather staid kinda guy. How do you normally "let off steam"?

Cheney: Oh, I go out in the backyard, blast away at mallards. Use my trusty Bulgarian Shipka. 700 rounds per minute. Gets the job done.

Hume: Well, you’d certainly be the man to handle Osama if he showed up in your backyard. (Laughter.) Tell me, Dickie, where do you get those marvelous suits?

Cheney: Well, I suppose I should claim executive privilege. (Laughter.) Let you in on a secret - Pookie, Sebastian and Halliburton, 3rd Avenue, New York. Tell them Dick-Dick sent you. I get a commish.

Hume: So, Dick-Dick - any truth to the rumors about you and Alan Greenspan and the "whips"?

Cheney: (Turns red.) %@#*&^###. Who told you about the f***ing whips? (Turns purple, reaches into his vest pocket and pops some pills.) Ah, that’s much better. What were you saying, Britney darling?

Hume: Well, you do seem in excellent physical condition, if I do say so myself. Who handles your "medications"?

Cheney: Whaaa...? Oh, Rush knows this doctor down in Miami...Say, cutie, wanna go in the green zone, I mean the green room, heh, and fool around?

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