Questions Raised About Authenticity of Bush Diplomas, Birth Certificate

Sep 11 2004 by Ross Bender

New questions are being raised this week about the authenticity of documents purporting to "prove" that President George W. Bush actually graduated from Yale.

While the White House released several hundred tons of documents last month in response to a Freedom of Information Act inquiry, document experts from all over are now beginning to question the genuineness of several of the records purporting to claim that Bush did in fact graduate from Yale in 1968.

Document expert and Circuit Court Judge "Hoodoo" Legree, of rural Gotchomama Parish just outside New Orleans, is one of a growing number of authorities claiming that the Bush diploma is a forgery.

"See that ink smear where it says 'Yalensis'?" asked Legree, poring over a faxed copy of the diploma, which is circulating among members of the Republican National Committee. "That there's the kinda smear what could only be made by a Hewlett-Packard LaserJet printer. And we all know they din't have laser jet printers back in 1968."

"Not only that," continued Legree, "check out this here birth certificate - says 'George W. Bush, born on July 6, 1946 at 7:26 AM EDT in New Haven, Connecticut.' Got his li'l baby footprints here an' everything. Only problem is, DNA testing shows that those there are actually Ben Affleck's li'l baby footprints. So you kin tell right away somethin's fishy."

Document expert Herbert Ramsbottom of Dread Fork, North Dakota concurred. "Yep, there's somethin' fishy alright. The evidence is mounting that Bush never went to Yale OR Harvard, and could be he never was even born. Also, d'ja ever see the pictures of his teeth in his National Guard records? Now compare those with this skull of Peking Man. See there how they match?"

Asked if it were possible that the President doesn't actually exist, Ramsbottom demurred. "You mean like he's a replicant, or some sorta extraterrestrial? Well, I wouldn't wanna go that far. All I can say at this point is that there's not a whole lot of good evidence to prove that he was on this earth between the months of May and August 1972."

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