UN Nominee Bolton to Undergo Anger Management Therapy With Jack Nicholson

Apr 19 2005 by Ross Bender

After several days of tumultuous hearings, John Bolton has been approved by the Senate Foreign Relations Committee as President Bush's new ambassador to the United Nations. The nomination now goes to the full Senate, where Bolton is expected to be easily confirmed.

However, the Committee specified that the nominee must first undergo thirty days of "anger management therapy" to help him deal with his feelings. Renowned therapist Jack Nicholson will move in with Bolton and share his bed for the next month, helping train him to get his anger under control.

Several State Department officials who'd worked with Bolton testified to the Committee that "the man's an animal - basically a kiss-up, kick-down sort of guy." An unnamed former CIA officer termed him "a serial abuser."

Senator Joseph Biden (D-DE), leading the fight against the nomination, accused Bolton of having a history of calling in subordinate officials and "reaming them a new one." It was Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer of California who then suggested a compromise. "Although in my view Bolton is a big fat bully, I am willing to approve the nomination if he promises to take his meds regularly and subjects himself to therapy."

Bolton has a history of strong anti-UN views and statements, which Democrats felt made him unfit to be the American ambassador to that body. For example, in 1988 Bolton, then assistant US Attorney General, suggested blowing the top ten stories off the United Nations headquarters in New York with dynamite.

In 2002, at a reception for UN Secretary General Kofi Annan he reputedly told the SG to his face that Annan "oughtta drag your sorry ass back to Zambeezistan." He has also suggested "nuking" Cuba and the Maldives Islands, both UN members.

Several times during the hearings Bolton was given injections with an unspecified sedative by his aides. He repeatedly foamed at the mouth and demanded of Senator Barack Osama (D-IL) "What the f--- is it with you people?", raising questions in some Senators' minds whether he would be capable of dealing in a diplomatic way with the 47 African member nations at the UN.

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