Former Lutheran Chinese Islamic Army Chaplain Arrested

25 Sep 2003 by Ross Bender

In a baffling twist in the ongoing war on terrorism, Army Captain and Islamic chaplain Yousef Yee, born in Naperville, Illinois to Chinese immigrants, raised a Lutheran in Springfield, New Jersey, and a convert to Islam, has been arrested by the Army on charges of spying during his duties as Islamic chaplain at the American naval base at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba, better known as ?Gitmo.? Cuba is currently ruled by the Communist dictator, Fidel Castro. Captain Yee is married to a Syrian woman, Whoda Yee.

Although Captain Yee has not yet been formally charged, military officials said that he was found with maps of the Guantanamo Bay prison camp, where about 600 prisoners from the Afghan war are being held, schedules of interrogation, and transcripts from these interrogations.

One fragment of an interrogation session was leaked to DeadBrain:

First Interrogator: Are you Osama bin Laden ? yes or no?
Prisoner: No.
(Loud whacking noises.)
Second Interrogator: Look son, we just want to help you. Cooperate with us a little bit and in a week?s time we could have you on a plane back to Bazoukistan. Now here?s a nice cigarette. Tell me, are you Osama bin Laden ? yes or no?
Prisoner: No.
(Loud whacking noises.)

Army officials professed astonishment at the apparent existence of a possible spy ring at Gitmo, sometimes known as Camp X-Ray. Security is so tight that all American military personnel are required to wear bags over their heads 24/7, with little slits cut out for only their eyes and mouths. Prisoners from all over the Arab world and France are kept in wire-mesh ?chicken cages? and are allowed only to have one copy of the Koran and one copy of Playboy in their cells at any given time.

Imam ?Joe-Bob? Joban of the Islamic Terrorist Center in Olympia, Washington, where Captain Yee had worshipped periodically, professed astonishment at the charges. ?He was just like the guy next door, quiet, very devout. I don?t see how he could have been involved in something like spying.?

President Bush commented, ?Personally, I?m a Methodist. Been one all my life.?

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