On the eve of the G-8 summit to be held at the luxurious Gleneagles Resort near Edinburgh, Scotland, French President Jacques Chirac has gone on record saying of the British, "The only thing they have done for European agriculture is mad cow disease. You can't trust people who cook like that."
Chirac reportedly made his remarks to German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder and Russian Oligarkh Vladimir Putin, who were shown snickering on French TV.
As Chirac added, "Moreover, after Finland, the UK is the country with the worst food," Schroeder doubled over with laughter and Putin giggled hysterically.
Chirac, looking pleased, continued: "The things the English do to potatoes must be seen to be believed. Not only that, but the Brits eat fish for breakfast!"
At this point Putin rolled on the ground and Schroeder began choking.
British Prime Minister Tony Blair refused to be drawn into the dispute, saying, "There are more important things in this world than mere food. Man does not live by croissants alone."
However, Blair hinted darkly that the leaders of "Old Europe" may have a surprise in store for them when they sit down to dinner at Gleneagles. Scottish Chef of the Year Andrew Fairlie, who is preparing the menu, commented that while most guests will be dining on venison and lobster smoked over old whiskey barrels, Chirac, Putin and Schroeder will likely be served haggis, kippers and turnips.