Pundit Robert Novak Joins "Dick" Cheney at Cussers Anonymous

Aug 5 2005 by Ross Bender

Right-wing fanatic and political commentator Robert Novak has been seen recently in church basements around Washington, D.C. attending meetings of the newly formed self-help group "Cussers Anonymous."

The self-help program was founded by Vice President "Dick" Cheney after he lost his temper on the Senate floor last year and told Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) to "Go f*** yourself." It is the newest wrinkle in a growing series of so-called "Twelve-Step" therapy groups imitating the famous Alcoholics Anonymous.

The "Twelve Step" concept is based on the idea that addictive personalities can cure themselves by attending self-help meetings, without a therapist or psychoanalyst. At the informal gatherings, members use their first names only, confess that they are suffering from a disease, and call on a nebulous "Higher Power" to help in their treatment.

After the success of Alcoholics Anonymous in helping drinkers quit the habit, the concept has proliferated into groups like Narcotics Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, Masturbators Anonymous, and the latest, Cussers Anonymous.

Although the meetings are strictly confidential, reporters in Washington have seen Novak emerging from the basement of The Church of the False Assumption in earnest conversation with "Dick" Cheney. Even President Bush himself, who flipped a finger to the press in a recent White House meeting and once called former New York Times reporter Adam Clymer an "ass***," has been said to attend Cussers Anonymous.

Novak was recently suspended from his job at CNN after he exploded, told commentator James Carville "I think that's bull****" and walked off the set of Inside Politics. Novak was released from Camp X-Ray at Guantanamo Bay in June for good behavior, after spending eighteen months there for divulging the name of CIA operative Valerie Plame.

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