Hack Seminar III

Minutes, Saturday, 10/11/03


CR: Sir Chauncey K. Ramsbottom, University of Bootle (moderator)
HW: Harry Wanadoo, theologian and visiting scholar, University of Tirukkalukunram
DE: Dame Elsie Camano (Seattle)
MN: Mr. Natural (Tompkins Square Park)
LL: Mlle. Louise Louise, etudiante de la cinema a la Sorbonne
ZB: Herr Doktor Zascher Bingo, genetic epistemologist (Stuttgart)
RB: Ross Bender, University of University City Village (secretary)

CR: Welcome and introductions

CR: Episode Three -- "Presumed Guilty". Tell me honestly -- is the show getting any lighter? More humorous? Any chance of it turning into a sitcom?

ALL: No way.

CR: Unfortunate. But let us soldier bravely on. How many times have we heard the phrase "I used to be a cop"?

DE: One too many

HW: Not only that, but "You said you used to be a cop -- you still help people." This show is doing more than any other single factor to spruce up the image of the Philly PD.

ZB: Cop with a heart. Ex-cop with a heart of gold. Tough love. But a lot of ambiguity here:

"Are you a cop?"
"Not exactly."
"Who the hell are you?"
"I'm just a guy -- looking for the truth."

DE: I'm the Lone Ranger! I'm Batman!

ZB: But the point is, there is considerable danger to Mike's identity structure and ego formation.

DE: "If you're playing me, you're gonna regret ever getting in my cab."

LL: To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, what is schlock and if you know what is schlock what is schmaltz

HW: Not to mention the ex-nun probation officer: "I'm in the second chance business."

CR: Yes indeed. Let's look for a moment at Mike's relationships, if you can call them relationships, with the do-gooder women in his life:

Liz Garza: I got a feeling about him
Mike: That instinct -- who's been naughty and who's been nice

MN: She's so freakin titillatin, man. I say get it on, man!

LL: You cave-person types are so exactement zee same. Don't you see how zee sensuelle suspense is building lentamente -- slowly -- how shall I say eet -- teasingly -- seductively --zat ees what a woman want -- zee frissons multiple -- not zee beeg beeg bang

DE: Speak for yourself, babe

MN: I say let's get it on, man!

CR: But let's look for just a moment, shall we, at the other woman in Mike's life:

(Bettina is working late)
Mike: You really need to get a life
Bettina: I'm here because Brian asked me to
Bettina: I don't analyze them, Mike, I just defend them. Brian should get on with his life

ZB: We do need some analysis here, and orthodox Freudian analysis IMHO. I see a lot of suppressed libido in these crusading do-gooders -- Bettina, the pro-bono lawyer; Liz, the ex-nun probation officer; Mike, the ex-cop who still helps people. Distasteful as I find Mr. Natural's lewd phrasing of it, inevitably there is going to be a polymorphously perverse explosion as the libidinal content erupts and boils to the surface, a very hot and very wet explosion: one might even use the technical term "orgy"

MN: Threesome, man! Get it on!

CR: Now the real estate meme:

Real estate agent: Are you a serious buyer?
Mike: Just transferred up from Dallas. Still got sticker shock
Real estate agent: Yeah, it's a real hot market

A question for our Philadelphian -- *is* Philly a real hot market?

RB: So they say. But as Mike says: "The ups and downs of the Dow Jones don't have much effect on my life -- I'm an ex-cop." But I will say that the sinister baddie real estate agent meme is definitely hard to miss

DE: Also the life of the rich and sleazy in the swanky Philadelphia burbs. Check out the neighbor gal, bathing nude in the steaming outdoor grotto, sipping martinis:

Real estate agent: What did you do today?
Neighbor gal: I jogged, did a little shopping at Rittenhouse Square

CR: Another emerging meme -- the smartass rich kid. Frankly, I'm amazed he's survived into the third episode:

SAWK (Jamie Farrell, as car parking valet):
--This good enough? Did I pass the test?
--I guess Ethics 101 is over for the day
--(Commenting on Mike's tie) That style went out in the Carter Administration
RB: He's become a sort of one-boy Baker Street Irregular

ZB: Still an Ivy League striver, obviously. So neurotically tied up in passing the test, pleasing his father

RB: Dartmouth or Brown, maybe

CR: But at any rate regularly being woven into the plot line. Ladies on the panel, is he hot?

DE: Hot what?

LL: I sooo much prefer Kiefer Sutherland -- Woo Hoo!

CR: And finally to the long-suffering Marcellus and Mrs. Washington -- the biopsy came back negative, Marcellus and the Mrs. have a heart-to-heart (BTW how hot is this lady?)

MN: Can't speculate on that -- she a respectable married dame.

CR: Fair enough:

Mrs. M: Was our communication that bad that you couldn't tell me? But you could tell Mike!? OK -- we can't go on like this -- we're going to talk -- we are going to talk!

DE: Touching

ZB: But she's right you know -- as Voices in the Family would put it, "Spouses need to communicate with each other, to open up -- make some special time during the week just to share, not even necessarily the deepest, most intimate feelings, just the ordinary day to day chatter

LL: And zen zee oral sex!

RB: Speaking of oral sex and real estate, much of this episode is set in Clark Park in West Philly, in the old tot lot, which has been bulldozed to make way for a kinder and gentler tot lot. Mike seems to get his exercise jogging in the park, chasing baddies. Also the ER is the HUP emergency room

CR: Tune in next week to hear Mike play the Humphrey Bogart card: "You're going down!"

MN: And zen zee oral sex, man!

DE: In your dreams

Jacqueline Torres Gallery

Mike -- David Morse ***** Liz -- Jacqueline Torres ***** Marcellus -- Andre Braugher ***** Jamie Ferrel -- Matt Czuchry

How to Mutate and Take Over the World

Rosannadanna of the Amish

The Gentrification of the Hood

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