Amish Lawyer

Rosannadanna slipped out of her mylar body suit and cape dress and into the Spray 'n' Vac. It felt good to relax after a hard week at the office where she struggled, Monday through Wednesday, trying to untangle Mennonite wills or deal with the lack of them. Some of her thorniest unresolved cases dated back to the "Rapture", and while very few of them had originally involved much money, the litigation that had grown up over the years had been enough to feed a couple of generations of lawyers.

Her favorite cases were those that dealt with the ticklish questions of illegitimate heirs, and with antiques rather than money. She'd been working today on an estate which consisted entirely of books: wonderful, leatherbound books like a complete set of the_Mennonite Quarterly Review_ through 1999, a first edition of the _Mennonite Community Cookbook_, and an autographed manuscript of _Favorite Hymns, Tunes and Airs of the Faith_ by Bradley Lehman. The putative heirs of Nichiren Schwarzendruber, who had put the whole collection together back in the "Nervous Nineties", were a motley crew which included the great-grandson of the only known Mennonite offspring of Mick Jagger, the Institute for the Study of Mennonite Institutions at the EMU campus up in the Bronx, and an Amish gardener named Otto who still worked at hauling manure around on the old Schwarzendruber place, as had his father before him and his father before him.

Rosannadanna said "Air please" and the jets of warm, caressing water became jets of warm, caressing air. "Licorice and... oh, licorice and lavender", she said, and the Spray 'n' Vac booth filled with a finely scented powder, dusted all over her body then whisked away by a gentle massaging vaccuum. Tonight was "Mennonite Game" night at Madison Square Garden, and she had a ticket at ringside. You never knew who you might meet at Mennonite Game night, particularly if you were an unmarried, 29-year-old pulchritudinous Amish lawyer in Manhattan.