Finding ways to start a business is always a great thing because it can genuinely help you find the right option and you might not have to find yourself in a situation where you are looking at too many things at the same time. If you genuinely want to be sure that everything is being handled the way you want them to be handled, then make a clever decision.
Now the good thing about business opportunities is that coming across them is not going to be a difficult thing as you can easily find the best ones available. With that said, we are going to take a brief look at how you can bank on a good business opportunity as it is one of the more important things that a lot of us will need to understand. So, let’s not waste time and have a look.
Create a Plan For It
If you have come across an opportunity that you think is good and you can make a good amount of money out of it, you can and should create a plan for it because let’s be honest, not doing that is only going to lead you into more issues and we don’t want that, in the first place. You need to know about the business that you are working for so you can be sure that you are not making the right move.
Consult The Professionals
Honestly, there is no shame in admitting that every now and then we run into things that we are not aware of or don’t have the expertise for and that is fine. If you have stumbled across something like that, it is better that you consult the professionals at least.
Walt Disney, who passed away in 1966 but whose head was cryogenically frozen in case of an emergency, was revived yesterday and announced that he would join the race for governor of California in the October recall election. “I couldn’t stand the possibility of seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming governor,” he said. “My movies have always stood for solid American family values and it breaks my heart to think of that Nazi wuss taking over the governorship on the basis of his violent and trashy cinematic endeavors.” Although the deadline for filing has passed, Disney expressed confidence that the state recall board would “make an exception” in his case.
Disney’s financial adviser, Scrooge McDuck, expressed alarm at the size of the California deficit. “It’s almost as big as the contents of my money bin. Not that we’re going to use one penny from my money bin to pay down the debt piled up by the wastefully extravagant Davis administration.” However, McDuck did announce an ?incentives? program in which ducks across California would be paid up to 30 cents an hour to haul garbage, repair the state?s sagging electrical infrastructure and teach in the decaying state university system. “Berkeley’s been going downhill since that &%*##@& free-speech movement in the 1960s,” he complained.
When Disney is elected, the California capital will be moved from Sacramento to Anaheim, and Sleeping Beauty Castle will become the governor?s mansion, campaign spokesman Goofy promised. Also in the Disney platform will be an overhaul of the penal code, with loser candidates such as porn stars, Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, and Gary Coleman sentenced to twenty years on the “It’s a Small World After All” ride with no possibility of parole. Although this sentence is currently considered cruel and unusual punishment in most civilized countries, the Disney campaign is confident that the current Supreme Court will uphold such a law.
George W. Bush, attempting to maintain a discreet distance from the recall brouhaha, blurted out, “I was a Junior Woodchuck once myself. If every Huey, Dewey and Louie wants to get in the race, I say bring ’em on.”
FBI spokesperson Harvey Glasser revealed today that the investigation of last week’s historic power outage has led to a radical Amish group in Holmes County, Ohio. The fringe group, known as the Amish Druid Liberation Front (ADLF), which began a mass evangelistic “crusade” in early August, is being investigated for possible connections to the blackout which left 50 million without electricity in the northeastern US and Canada.
“These deceptively harmless ‘plain people,’ whose highly questionable lifestyle involves living without such modern conveniences as TV, cars, and the Internet, may in fact be harboring eco-terrorists,” Glasser said in a statement Monday. “Under their guise of simply clad, pious farmers, the Holmes County Amish are nurturing a counter-cultural lifestyle that is an affront to the American principles of fast food, television-induced brain damage, and atmospherically hazardous SUVs.” The ADLF has been conducting open-air evangelistic meetings in Ohio, even intruding into the lives of normal Americans by performing the sinister rite of “barn-raising” in suburban backyards, and drag-racing their horse-drawn buggies on Interstate 80.
Yoney Hochstetler, a former Amish bishop and a sociologist at Southern Northeast Ohio University, claims that “martyrs” who lose their lives in falls from barns or buggy accidents are believed to spend the afterlife in the Amish Paradise, or “Lieberhimmel” with up to three sexually experienced Pennsylvania Dutch virgins. He speculated that ADLF fanatics may have plotted to bring down the electrical grid to show North American heathens the error of their ways.
The ADLF was founded in 1999 by Amos Stolzfus, an Amish druid from New York’s Lower East Side, who drowned in the East River during a mass baptism on the eve of the millennium when he was knocked unconscious by a passing garbage scow. The movement quickly spread among disgruntled young Amish in Holmes County and Lancaster County, PA.
Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge, former governor of Pennsylvania, stated that he had “already had my eye on those subversive Amishmen” and was investigating ties to al-Qaeda. “Al-Qaeda martyrs get 86.7 virgins, while the Amish get only three. This doesn’t make the Amish any less dangerous.”
U.S. Circuit Court Judge Rawalpindi Gaddadavidanandananda is resisting demands from the Christian Right that he remove a herd of sacred cows from the lobby of the court building in beautiful downtown Burbank, California.
The incident has received little media attention in light of a higher-profile case in Alabama, where State Supreme Court Judge Roy “Joe-Bob” Moore is fighting to retain a two-ton replica of the Ten Commandments in the Rotunda of the State Supreme Court, despite a federal court order to move it.
“The Constitution provides that Congress shall make no law establishing religion,” Gaddadavidanandananda said. “That means if Joe Bob can put a Biblical monument in his court building, I can have the cows in mine. Hinduism is thousands of years older than Judeo-Christianity, and the growing Hindu population of the U.S. must have the right to practice their own religion freely, including electing judges of their own faith.”
Forces on the Christian Right complain that not only is the presence of the sacred cows an affront to the laws of Moses, but they stink. Also, badly needed state funds are being used to shovel up the daily production of tons of manure.
Meanwhile, another church and state battle is gearing up in Gotchomama Parish, just outside New Orleans. Local Judge “Hoodoo” LeGree is campaigning to keep an undead statue of a zombie on the porch of his court building. “It would be very bad mojo to try to move that there zombie right now. Last time somebody tried that we never heard from them again. And we are definitely not going to suspend our nightly chicken sacrifices in the face of outside pressure.”
Two hundred thirty-seven Democratic presidential hopefuls took the stage Thursday night in the first ever multilingual official presidential debate. Of the front-runners, only Al Sharpton was absent, apparently due to a late-night poker game with Bill Clinton and Charles Rangel in the Harlem Office Building.
The debate was held in Albuquerque, New Mexico, hosted by the Democratic Hispanic Caucus, the Polski Polityczny Klika, and the Congressional Black Caucus to signal the Democratic Party’s concern for the growing political clout of ethnic voters in the United States electorate. All questions were asked in English, Spanish, Serbo-Croation, Swahili and Polish as the 237 contenders outdid one another in exhibiting their foreign language proficiency.
Senator John Edwards scored early when he was asked about whether he would support the invitation to the UN to send a multilateral force for beefing up the occupation of Iraq. “Hasta la vista!” he replied with a broad grin. The Arnold Schwarzenegger campaign immediately announced plans to sue for trademark infringement. Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut instantly translated Edwards’ words into Polish, and added bonus points by calling Howard Dean a “bopkis schmekele”.
When asked what she would do to reduce the international trade deficit, Carol Moseley-Braun of Illinois answered “Frijoles y fajitas! Jambo bwana!” Moseley-Braun, a former ambassador to New Zealand, also protested that the Maori language should be included in the debate in the interests of diversity.
The contest grew heated as John Kerry denounced Howard Dean’s position on repealing the Bush tax cuts, saying “Y tu mama tambien!” Dean angrily responded “Yo mama so fat she blood type is Ragu!” but was disqualified since Black English was not recognized as an official language in the debate. Dean later grumbled “If that putz from Connecticut can use Yiddish, I can use Ebonics.”
In the end, the Reverend Sharpton had the last word. In an e-mail message from his Palm Pilot in the subway enroute to Kennedy airport, Sharpton stated “Las cucarachas entran pero no pueden salir”, which is roughly translated as “The cockroaches check in, but they don’t check out.”
The highest ranking North Korean defector to date, Hwang Jang Yop, who served as a close advisor to both Kim Il Sung and his son and current leader, Kim Jong Il, testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee last week. Yop, 81, defected to South Korea six years ago. His family, stranded in the North, was dragged away to slave labor camps to produce kim-chi and nuclear bombs.
Yop painted a dark picture of the totalitarian regime in which he served for 40 years. “North Korea is living in the Dark Ages,” he testified. “It is a feudal polity with hereditary succession, where a father has passed on the leadership to his inept son. Many people live in poverty while the national budget is devoted to producing weapons of mass destruction.” Senator George Dodder (R-AL), waking suddenly, objected strongly to this characterization of Bush administration policy, and had to be reminded discreetly by his aides that Mr. Yop was describing North Korea.
Yop also described luridly the personal life of Kim Jong Il, know as the “Dear Leader.” “Mr. Kim has a reputation as a playboy and throws lavish drunken parties attended by thousands of half-naked lesbian Korean cheerleaders performing tightly choreographed dance routines. In one recent birthday party for his wife, Lee Bum Suk, the entire Politburo, decked out in togas, lined up for traditional spankings by the first lady, and vied to be the first to perform ritual Korean oral sex.”
The Dear Leader is obsessed with Western cinema, and has a collection of over 70,000 videos. According to Yop, recent favorites include “Dumb and Dumber,” “Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back,” “Dumb and Dumberer,” “The Spy Who Shagged Me,” “Gigli,” and “The Runaway Jury”.
Yop also testified that the Dear Leader kidnapped Western movie stars, including Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, and Hugh Grant to assist in developing the North Korean film industry. Roberts and Grant recently starred in “Hung Bop Jin and Wha Loop Ung’s Excellent Adventure” and Jolie appeared in “Sik Doo Wop and the Bridge of No Return.” All three celebrities were released unharmed.
In furious statements this week, Anglican Archbishop Peter J. Akinola of Nigeria and other conservatives denounced the elevation of openly gay V. Gene Robinson as Bishop of New Hampshire on Sunday. Archbishop and Primate Benjamin Nzimbi of Kenya said, “The Devil has clearly entered our Church.”
Robinson was consecrated as the first openly gay Bishop of the Episcopal Church in a ceremony in New Hampshire on Sunday. (Anglicans in the United States are known as Episcopalians.) In the first such openly gay ceremony, forty Bishops in drag from around the United States laid hands on Robinson’s penis and chanted “Y.M.C.A.” An aging Elton John sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.”
The reaction from conservative Anglican churches around the world, including Africa, South America and Australia was swift and fierce. In a moderate example, the Anglican Church in Nigeria, where homosexuality is virtually unknown, declared: “We totally reject and renounce this obnoxious attitude and behavior. It is devilish and satanic. It comes directly from the pit of hell. It is an idea sponsored by Satan himself and being executed by his followers and adherents who have infiltrated the church.”
Many church leaders declared their intention to “break communion” with the Episcopal Church in the United States, or at least with the Church in New Hampshire, although not quite yet, as the Anglican Church in the third world is largely dependent for funding by the Church in the USA. The Most Reverend Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury and Head Primate of the Anglican World Communion, under increasing pressure, denied Monday that he had ever had the words “Jesus is coming — look busy!” tattooed across his buttocks.
The Anglican Church is no stranger to controversy. King Henry VIII founded the church in 1536 when Pope Biggis Dickus II refused to grant the King the privilege of multiple orgasms. In a fit of anger, Henry executed several of his wives and declared himself the head of the Church of England. Currently Queen Elizabeth II is titular Head of the Church, or “President,” while the Archbishop of Canterbury is “Vice-President and CEO for Operations.”
Canadian resistance to last month’s CIA-sponsored coup in Ottawa continues to grow, although US Secretary of Defense Donald “Napoleon” Rumsfeld insisted today that no additional US troops were needed.
American troop levels in occupied Canada are estimated at only about 5,000, the bulk of them residual forces left over from the successful invasion of Canada in the War of 1812. Rumsfeld indicated that troop morale is high and promised that most units, some of whom have not seen their families in 200 years, would be rotated home “in the spring.”
Army officials reported only sporadic incidents, with about 900 attacks on US forces daily. “It’s mostly disorganized and uncoordinated stuff — these Canadian wimps don?t really know how to fight,” stated Lt. Colonel Weezer Ramsbottom of the 13th Infantry Division. Shortly after speaking to reporters, Ramsbottom was struck in the teeth by a high velocity hockey puck and taken to an Army hospital.
Assessments of the strength of the Canadian resistance are sketchy at this point, due to its decentralized nature. Al Canuck, the largest of several guerilla organizations, may be headquartered somewhere in the Laurentian Mountains of Quebec. Its leader, Osama bin Leveque, uses no cell phones or radio communication devices, to avoid electronic surveillance. Messages are hand delivered and written only in French.
On Wednesday, a donkey cart assembly plant and secret training barn operated by the Amish Druid Liberation Front in St. Jacobs, Ontario, was successfully raided by US-trained Ontario Provincial Police. In another spectacular success, three Newfie Jihad fishing boats full of mackerel and heroin were seized in the Bay of Fundy.
In the Canadian Rockies, US Special Forces are hunting down renegade elements of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police believed to have driven herds of cattle infected with mad cow disease over the Alberta border into Montana.
However, CIA analysts admit that their greatest concern is a large, shadowy fifth column of former Canadians now residing in the USA. “We’re watching Peter Jennings very closely,” said an unnamed source. “Next time he says ‘eh’ on national TV we’re gonna nail his ass to his elbow.”